To Zip Or Not To Zip

Its amazing the random things you think about.  For instance, what is the purpose of the fly on underwear.  Why is it called the fly?   Was it a bet that an old tailor in the old kingdom lost?  Maybe he or she wanted to call it the tarantuala.  And who thought of the zipper.  Was it a blacksmith accident.  "Look what I did!  A metal snake to proctect your yoohoo!"  Over the years, did it turn into a fashion statement?  Or fast forward several more years and the zipper becomes a quick access for #1.

Which brings me to.....does anybody really use the unzip the zipper method when going #1.  I can't remember the last time used this method.  I can't even recall my two boys ever using the zipper method. I can't even recall my father telling me to unzip, pull through the tara...I mean fly, then the zipper fly (is it called the zipper fly?), aim and let it rip.  Is this just built in reflexes passed down like walking for the first time.  Are we just going to assume every 2 year old boy going through potty training is going to know the unzip method? 

As I remember, the prefered potty training method in our house was first spot the pee pee dance.  You know the dance.  The hold the man junk and rock side to side quickly.  There is also the cross your legs so tightly hoping it goes away stance.  The very tricky face twitch, very hard to spot this one.  Once spotted, the next step was to scream in panic "RUN TO THE BATHROOM!"  Its amazing the little ones didn't pee their pants right there in fright.  Your 2 years old, doing the pee pee dance and your parents are screaming at you to run to the bathroom.  Like you really want to pee all over yourself so you can put on your 6th different pair of shorts that day.   After scaring your child and running to the the bathroom, the last and final step was pull down your pants, shorts, training pants, underwear in all one panic induced motion!  What?!?!  What happend to the unzip way?  The little boy pants do have zippers.  I don't know why, but they do.  Really, come on, there was no time for the unzip method.  Are you kidding me?  Do you remember the first step?  Come on!  Seriously!

Which brings me to the present.  Adulthood.  Harder for some, including me.  I still use the pull down method.  Is it the panic induced quick method learned from early childhood?  Or is it because I'm too lazy to use the unzip the zipper method?  I understand the ease of the unzip the zipper method.  Is seems perfect when you have to complicate the whole thing with a belt.  Who wants to go through all that trouble of the pull down method with your belt is in the way?  Even with a belt, I prefer the pull down method.  It takes longer, but most days its not panic induced, waiting until the last minute tricky face twitching pee pee dance.  I'm not 2!  I think as us boys turn into adults the pull down method is preferred out of fear.  Yes I said fear.  I'm telling you, one day when you pull your man junk through the tarat.....I mean fly, the zipper fly it might get stuck. It never happens, but one day it might.  Then what, I can't use Jim Jr anymore?  Fear I tell you.  Another scenario, you pull your yoohoo through the tarat.....I mean fly, then zipper fly and forget to pull it back and zip up your yoohoo!  Somthing About Mary style!  OUCH!  I can hear Jennie in the background, "BEANS AND FRANKS HAHAHahahahaHAHOHHOHAHAHA!"  No thank you.  Jim Jr and I will continue to use the pull down method.  The preferred pull down method.

Oh the Frustrating Journey!

Getting back on track started the month off so great.  7lbs the first week.  Gained the second week.  This week, no weight loss at all.  Its a head scratcher.  I've scratched off a bald section in the side of my head.  I'm thinking I should wax it nice and shiny so the pretty girls can fix their hair in the reflection.

I can't figure it out.  I've ate in moderation all week. Not starving myself, but eating food.  I've had pretty much the same breakfast every morning.  1 egg, 2 egg whites scrambled with veggie sausage.  Oranges, tangerines, bananas.   Salads at night.  Chicken tacos.  I think I've been eating pretty good all week.  I've had some set back eating healthy "good for you" food.  But its always been in moderation.  I've been staying in my 1700-1900 calorie intake a day.  Could it really be those days I decided to have a half a sandwich from Yellow Sub.  Its just not adding up.

I've been exercising.  I feel stronger.  I'm not out of breath in 2.5 seconds.  I don't get it.  I did take Wednesday off, my body was telling, acutally screaming at me to take a break.  "TAKE A BREAK JIMBO!  You don't take a break, you will be grounded from viewing any and all internet porn!"  Well, I like my porn.  I took a break, my body needed it.  My hamstring I hurt a few months ago was acting up.  My "stomach" muscles below my beer belly were fighting back.  My biceps were screaming!  My ego was bruised.  I needed the break.  The next day my body bounced back.  I was able to work out hard.  It was nice to be back.

Is it muscle?  Seriously......muscle.  I'm not a big believer in the whole muscle weighs more than fat.  If your losing weight you should still be losing weight.  These are the other signs I see happening.  My pants are looser.  My underwear are too big.  My shirts look like circus tents on my body.  I can see my feet and other unmentionables.  I know my body is changing for the good again.  I need and should take another picture.  Before and after.  The same picture you see in all of the diet, exercise, miracle pill comercials see all over the TV now. 

LAST WEEKS GOALS
Lose 2 - 3lbs  -  Didn't lose any, didn't gain any, stayed the same
Exercise 5-7 days a week - Worked out Saturday - Tuesday, Thursday and today.
1700 - 1900 calories a day - Averaged just a little over 1800 calories a day.
5-8 servings of veggies and/or fruit daily - This one is too easy for me.  I love my veggies and fruit.  I need to change this one up
8 glasses of water - I think I wore out a path from my office to the bathroom.

THIS WEEKS GOALS
Lose 2 - 3lbs this week.  If I do, I will hit my goal for the month.
Exercise 5 days a week.  I think I was too aggressive here.  My body told me no.  I have to remember I'm not 18 anymore.
1700 - 1900 calories a day
Have one day this week that is all vegetarian.  I'm a PETA person (People Eating Tasty Animals), this one will be tough.
8 glasses of water or more a day

Must remember.  Listen to your body.  Your body will tell you if you are pushing it to hard or being lazy.

Be Positive Stay Positive

I'm down.....then I'M WAY UP!

Super frustrated!  Victory one week.  Super disappointed the next week.  I need discipline.  Discipline I tell you.  Down 7lbs last week, up 5lbs this week.  I'm thinking that can't be healthy.  I don't blame anybody else, but myself.  I'm worked out all week.  Admittly not as hard as the first week.  And to compound the derailment, I ate WAY too many calories.  Its simple I over ate.  That simple.  I must remember, moderation.  MODERATION!  I got to comfortable with my great first week.  Way too comfortable.  This healthy journey is work and I'm not 18 anymore.  I can't eat a whole pizza and still be 165lbs.

My birthday was Monday.  I worked out hard Monday morning and had a nice combo jog/power walk at lunch.  When I look back, I think Monday night is when I got off the path.  Jennie made me an awesome dinner!  Chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes and country gravy and buttermilk biscuits and corn on the cob.   Brownies for dessert.  I'm always telling myself moderation.  Make sure you eat in moderation.  I don't think two chicken fried steaks is moderation.  I don't think 5 brownies is moderation.  Must be discipline.  Oh man it was so good!  But I know better.  I'm huge big over eater.  The rest of the week was not much better.  I know how I steered off the path.  I need to be discipline.   Or work out 8-10 hours a day.......which is not happening.  I keep telling myself, get back on track tomorrow.  And then it doesn't happen, then I tell myself back on track the next day.  This week was a terrible undiscipline week.  But not getting down, staying positive and I am back on track this morning.

Last week goals.

Lost 2-3lbs ------  Up 5lbs BOO!!!!

Exercise 5-7 days --------Winner winner!

1700 -1900 calories --------Great over the weekend.  Monday 4000+, Tuesday 4000+, Wednesday close to 3000, Thursday over 2000.

4-7 servings of veggies and/or fruit daily  --------Winner winner!

8 glasses of water -----BOOOO!!!!!!  Water is key, need to drink water

This weeks goals

Lose 2 - 3lbs

Exercise 5-7 days a week

1700 - 1900 calories a day

5-8 servings of veggies and/or fruit daily

8 glasses of water

Not all was bad this week.  I've noticed my arms are getting more toned.  My legs are getting more toned.  My clothes are fitting better.  I have more energy.

Stay positive, be positive.

The Old Man Syndrome

What is the Old Man Syndrome?  Is there such a thing as the Old Man Syndrome?

I mean, going to bed at 9:00 is NOT too early right?  Come on, I'm one of the few that still have a job and I have to wake up early.   Is 5:00am too early?  I guess it doesn't REALLY take me 3 hours to get ready for work.   I do watch the news and Sportscenter.  What is wrong with naps during the day.  Sometimes that couch is damn comfortable and it makes me tired........a little power nap never hurt anybody.  Oh the LOUD music and LOUD TV!   Why so loud.  I can't hear my talk radio over your blairing hippity hop.  You can't hear?  Cut your hippy hair so you can hear better!  I enjoy my peace and quiet time.  Lets me catch up to my Sports Illustrated article of the Cowboys whooping on the Eagle a week ago.   People still read magazines and newspapers right?  I know the internet is instant access.  But a good read of old news never hurt anybody right?  Just because I ask Parker to help me put together that new and improved electronic device doesn't mean that I can't do it......it means I don't want to do it.   And who doesn't like a good old drawn out story.  Just because my kids give me that glazed over look when I reminense of record players, 8-track, VHS/Beta tape war, VCR's, MTV that actually played music, cassette tape, my old Sony Walkman, all bowl games on New Years day, naptime in kindergarten, popcorn cooked on a stove, 4 TV channels, TV dinners from the oven, the Berlin Wall, Soviet Union, Pluto is a planet, Yugo, Saturday morning cartoons, Adam West Batman (BOOM!), candy cigarettes, Tab soda, American Bandstand, Australian Rules Football on ESPN all the time, Monday Night Baseball, Yogoslavia, Gilligan's Island, .79 cent a gallon ga......OH NO!  I AM OLD!  I DO HAVE THE OLD MAN SYNDROME!

Its time to fight back.  Welcome back the all nighters!  Embrace Hannah Montana on Saturday morning.  Who cares that the New Years Day bowl games are spread over 2 weeks.  Embrace modern technology.  Have Parker teach me how to operate that new fangled electronic device.  Enjoy my 400 channels of nothing to watch!  Sleep in til noon like Dallas.  Quit being crabby, grab a water, don't fall asleep on the couch, and blog my drawn out old man stories!

Youngling beware!  Here comes an old man to wreck havoc and embarrass you in public!

7lbs! WAAAAahhooooooooo!

WAAAAaaHOOOOoooo!  Down 7lbs this week!  Doing it the old fashion way.  This seems to work better for me.  Eat right, work out hard.  I'm so freakin' pumped!  The most I've ever lost during this journey was 2lbs.  This week 7lbs!  That's Biggest Loser poundage!  WAAAAaaaaHOOOOoooooo!  244 to 237!  YES!  Lots more to go on my journey.  This is a small step, but a positive step in the right direction.

We got a Wii for Christmas.   I'm telling you I am a Wii believer now.  I can't get enough!  Its turn my boring workouts into FUN.  One big hurdle I always had was boredom.  The same routine over and over.  Walking and running everyday.  The Wii has added variety into my daily workouts.  I love it.  If you can afford it, it is a well worth it investment.  I can't wait to try more Wii activities.  Wii Fit and EA's Active are next on my list.  I've read great stuff on these.  Some research on Wii Sports boxing, you burn about 600 calories for an hour of good butt kicking fun!  I love it!

http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2008/08/15/wii_sports_vs_real_sports_which_burns_more_calories.php

This weeks goals:

Lost 2-3lbs

Exercise 5-7 days

1700 -1900 calories (Doesn't seem like a lot, but I've managed to fit open face turkey sandwiches in my daily intake.  Who would have known)

4-7 servings of veggies and/or fruit daily

8 glasses of water <------means several trips to the bathroom.

I went back to logging everything on http://www.livestrong.com/.  Its quick and easy.  If you issues writing everything down.  I would suggest trying this site.  This week I've eaten between 1700 - 1900 calories and burned 600 daily.  Its been great!

From the Kitchen of Couch Potato Man - Banana & Peanut Butter French Toast

Man on man.  I know this is not good for you.  I saw it last night on the Food Network.  I thought I give it a try.  Probably will be the last and only time I have it for awhile.  So freakin' good!

Ingredients:

Bread

Banana

Peanut Butter

Eggs

Milk

Cinnamon

Vanilla

Orange Juice

Rum

I thought I had plain o' rum, but it was Malibu rum.  Tasted just fine too me.  I used  freshly squeezed oranges instead of regular orange juice.

Directions:

Mix the eggs, milk, cinnamon, vanilla, orange juice and rum together.  Cut the bananas lenght wise and about the size of the bread.  Spread the peanut butter on each slice of bread and add the bananas.  Basically making a peanut butter and banana sandwich.  Dip each side of the sandwich in egg batter. 

COOK and ENJOY!

I cut it in half topped one half with butter and powder sugar, the other half with butter, powder sugar and syrup.  YIKES so sweet and good!  Like I said, probably never again for me, maybe when I'm 50lbs lighter!

New Year New Goals

Whoops!  I was doing so well.  Thanksgiving Day, bowl games, Christmas, more bowl games, New Years Eve, New Years Day bowl games, the aftermath is 9 extra pounds.  YIKES!  Chips and dip, beers, pizza, more beers, chicken wings, lots more beers!  Double YIKES!  9 extra pounds!  It so hard to take it off, but so easy to put it back on.  Not to worry though.  I have talked to a few of my friends on the healthy life style change and THEY all had set backs this last 4 weeks.  Some more than me and some less, but we all had set backs.   Its a new month and a new year. So back on track today. No not Monday, the changes start today

I'm not a big resolution person.  Why set goals that seem unrealistic?  Why set goals that should be part of your everyday life?  Seems like we set up ourselves to fail.  No one likes to fail and no one wants to fail.  But what the hell.  I have to set my goals for my healthy change, we'll see how I do on my others.  I'll set small monthly goals.  These seem more realistic. 

1.  Health - I currently weight 244.  My goal is to be 234 - 240 by end of month.  That is 1-2lbs a week.  Nice realistic goal.  I'll be eating  1700 - 1800 calories a day.  Exercising 3-5 days a week.  Again nice realistic goals.  I'll eat 4-7 servings of veggies and/or fruit a day.  <-----more of a challenge, have you tried eating this much?  Its not so easy, try it!

2.  Family -  Bring back movie night.  We used to have movie night every week.  Its fun, its entertaining.  Where has it gone?   I think its on the back of the milk cartons.  Movie night every week.

3.  Home - Get the house in order.  Clean and keep it clean.  This one will be tough on me.  I hate cleaning.  Its got to be done.  Do the dishes.  Mop the floors.  Clean the bathrooms.  Clean.  Did I tell you I hate cleaning.

4.  Work - Work harder.   Hard work leads to good things.  If I start to get bored, find something to do.  No more Facebook at work, no more Solitaire.  Break the habit.  Work hard and you will suceed.  This is a terrible habit I have gotten into.  I normally work very hard.  Break the habit first and I should be back on track.

5.  Financial  - Save more!  The economy is not changing.  It still stinks and sucks out there.  So save more!

6.  Personal -  Draw and paint.  I love art.  I've have gotten away from it over the years.  I'm going to start creating more!  I will make the time.  It might mean less online poker.  Less TV sports.  I will take the time to create more.  My creativity has gone to cooking, now I will allocate some for art.

So there it is.  My January goals. 

Happy New Year.